Category Archives: Funny

Day 8 – 365grateful

duck-dynasty-camo

Camo.
It’s Wednesday and that means two things at our house. Awana and Duck Dynasty. Two of my favourite things and they always make me feel better. Here’s to the Robertsons who are living it out loud and making it ok to be a redneck – and thank God because acting normal is wearing me out Jack!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0fkjZSb0J_E

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Ten Movies I’ll Stop to Watch on TV (even if I own them)

There are just some movies I love to escape in.  Lots I’m not even sure why I like, and one I’m happier to watch on TV instead because it’s been cleaned up a bit LOL

10. It’s a Wonderful Life
Well it is.

9. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
We named the DOG Indiana. 

8. Sean of the Dead
You have to see it to appreciate it. 

7. A Knights Tale
The pope might be french but Jesus is English.  

6. Harry Potter
Doesn’t matter which one as I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

5.  Bridget Jones’ Diary
I don’t know why, and usually I only want to watch it at Christmas.  It’s not a movie or genre of movie I normally like.  Go figure.

4. Serenity
If you never heard of it don’t worry, it’s a geek thing. Browncoats forever!

3. The Fugitive
It seems like it’s been played to death, but I’ll search every farmhouse, outhouse and doghouse in a 20 mile radius and watch it.

2. Star Trek
In any incarnation.  Beam me up Scotty.

1. The Princess Bride
Was there ever any doubt?  Inconceivable.

The Lord of the Rings was left off this list on purpose.  I just love the books way more than the movies and watching them on TV is just too painful when there’s 12 hours of watching to do and no way to fast forward through the unfortunate ruination of poor Faramir!  Peter Jackson I may never forgive you for that.

Who Cares?

Well if you asked that question of most big businesses right now they’d say “I do I do!”  The thing is, do we believe them?  I’ve just noticed a trend in advertising lately that makes me roll my eyes and gag a little.  Now before you start thinking I’m a just cynic (I prefer realist btw) I’m not, I’ve been known to get misty even over some television commercials.  Take that recent Olympic commercial for Visa where the bucolic voice of Morgan Freeman retells the story of how during the winter Olympics in Turin, Canadian skier Sara Renner broke a pole and the Norwegian coach Bjørnar Håkensmoen gave her one and she went on to win Silver.  In response Canadian business man Michael Page donated 8,000 cans of maple syrup – with the end tag line “Hope you like pancakes Norway”.  Got me misty.  So I am capable of falling for the hook.

Still the trend I’m talking about is large corporations (especially pirates banks) who are really amping up that down home or homey message.  It’s just a little tough to swallow that idea when, for instance, a large grocery store chain says they really care about the health of our families when they sell things like Cheez Whiz – which I’m not even sure is really food to be honest.  I guess it just bugs me that they’re trying to take that small town, back to basics, simple life, small business feel that most small business owners aspire to and gobble that up for themselves too. (Right along with market share, large pocket books and purchasing power).

I just wonder who they think they’re fooling.

Reader Bored.

As in “Reader Boards”, you know those signs many businesses have either on a pole sign under their logo or a contraption they either rented or bought and hauled out near the side of the road.

Fresh Local Beef
Ladies Pant $2
Window Clea
ner
or
Plywood
Bicycle Helmets

Yikes.  Do I really want to buy bacon from a place that only sells one pant leg?

Reader board people of the earth – think before you magnetically attach letters for the whole world to see.  Think about the message you’re putting out there.  What do you want to tell people?  I realize there’s a short space and even fewer letters but I think you can’t sit in the middle on this one.  You either list items with a special price or make the effort to engage the people whizzing by your place of business. Every time you put up a sign or place text on a reader board you’re telling people who you are, what you care about and sadly if you don’t know how to string two thoughts together or failed all your spelling tests in grade school.

Invest in new letters when your old ones either get stolen, damaged or lost.  A z is not an n on its side and a sideways e does not an m make.  Give your customers some credit.  Give them a reason to read it.  It’s better to change it frequently then to cram it with a weeks worth of stuff or worse yet leaving it blank.  Stay current with your outdoor reader board – it’s your statement to the world.  It’s always a good idea to look at your business from your customer’s point of view – not what easy and fast for you.

Me.

Summer lover. Earwig hater. Puppet Maker. Movies. Beaches. Dogs and Horses. Farms. Blundstones. Camping. Hiking. Taking Pictures. Best Aunt. Jesus Freak. Guacamole. Cameras. Starbucks Lattes. Book re-reader.  Stories.  Fireflies and campfires. Good shampoo.  Cakes. Computers.  Guitar lover.  Bird feeders.  Spiders = eek.  Club soda and lemons. Felt boards. Bookstores. Bare feet. Funny stories. Bad puns and silly jokes. Family. Friends. Annoying, silly and sweet husband. Old dogs.  Puppies.  Agriculture Fairs and National Parks. Pumpkins. Fresh picked apples. Bluenose. White mini-lights. Hammocks. Silver. Farmers Markets.  Lavender. Braids.  Baseball Caps and Cowboy Hats. Graphite Pencils. Cozy Fires. Fresh cut hay.

Dear Walmart:

I’m not what you’d call a shopper.  I get in, I get my stuff, I get out.  Unless it’s Home Depot.  Or Roadapples…or Michaels….but I digress.  One thing I think Walmart should do is think a bit more about people like me.

You know me.  I’m the chick who goes in for some pencils and contact lens solution and then finds herself with an arm load of iced tea, toilet paper, deodorant, air freshener, a spatula and 2 boxes of Cheerios teetering precariously on one arm while flipping through file folders in the stationary aisle.  Please Walmart…put some carts in the middle of your store for us non planning shoppers who see stuff they forgot they needed until it’s staring them in the face.  My over extended elbows will thank you for it.

I’m Happy You Know What You Know But…

A few things in this world you should already know how to do automatically.  Washing your hands after you go to the washroom, saying please and thank you and buying insurance.  However, there’s a few more things people should know how to do but don’t.  One of more important is…leaving a good phone message

You’d think this would be a no brainer.  “Leave your name and number after the beep and I’ll get back to you.”   Sometimes though, people do leave a message with their name and number as requested but they rattle it off much too quickly for the poor person on the other end of the voice mail to even hear it right let alone write it down.

Here’s the thing – it’s great YOU know your own phone number but chances are if you’re leaving a message that includes a phone number…that other person doesn’t already know it.  SLOW DOWN and lay out your phone number clearly and at a reasonable speed – people might actually return your calls!

Spaghetti and Breakfast.

I thought I should start writing.  Like actually start writing.  Not sit around thinking, “gee I should write something” but actually putting pen to paper (how quaint) and just start.  Well there’s nothing like a blank piece of lined scribbler paper to draw a blank in your brain.  While I’m sitting there my husband asks, “What are you doing?”  I answer “Writing some ideas down.”  Right.  Well after about a half an hour of scribbling and watching Jeopardy I decide, why not ask him for some ideas.

So I ask him, “What kind of books do you like?”  After he gives me several lame answers all describing books we’ve both already read he says, quite honestly “I like Westerns.”

“Westerns.  Really?  Why?”

“I don’t know.” He says, then laughing says, “He was a tall man, a handsome man.”  This is a long running joke poking fun at Louis Lamour books apparently.  Then he adds, “No, it’s the bacon.”

Wow.  Can the popularity of decades of western movies and books all be attributed to thick cut bacon?  Who needs special effects when a slab of bacon does the trick?  Well, bacon and coffee so thick you could stand a horse shoe up in it.

A semi-lucid moment…

October 7th, 2009

Sometimes I wonder if I might just go crazy.  Well crazier than I’ve been for most of my life, still in some quiet lucid moments I pause and wonder.  I’ve been filling my days with cleaning, doing dishes, baking, organizing, making sure supper ready for 5 pm and cleaning up after horses and walking dogs.  I think I’m doing all this to avoid reality.

What’s reality you may be asking?  Almost 4 weeks ago to the day I was let go from my job of 16 years.  Let go.  Laid off.  Fired.  Axed.  Your position no longer exists.  We’re going in a different direction.  It’s not a reflection of your work.  It’s nothing personal.  I’ve enjoyed working with you.

Blank stare.

Uh, uh.  What do you want me to do?  Just leave?  I was a kid when I started work here. What about all the unfinished projects sitting on my desk?  You want me to just go.  Now.

I’ve always been so cool and composed  in difficult situations like this.  HA!  It was most certainly an act of God that I didn’t start convulsing into a sobbing mess right there in the office.  That’s more my style really.

Since then I’ve been attempting to settle into a more domestic role.  Much to my husbands utter amusement.  Friday he asked me to stop baking things.  I resisted the urge to argue when I realized my jeans (and his) were getting a bit tighter despite all the dog walking.  Normally I might have felt insulted.  In the past my baking skills have been anything but appealing.  Let’s just say it IS possible to have a banana bread explode in the oven and leave it at that.  Still, he was right the baking had to stop.

My challenge now as I wait for a new ceiling in my office/laundry room (more on that another time) is to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  Could I start a home-based business?  How am I going to start all over again?  I had 5 weeks vacation people!  Can I even remember how to do a resume for myself?  I moved from the big city to this little town we’re in now partly because of that job.   Commuting is the Hulk to my Bruce Banner.   Commuting out.  That leaves my little town whose job prospects consist mainly of Nurse, University Professor or Farm Safety Consultant.  Great, since I gag at bodily functions, get a headache in school and couldn’t possibly be taken seriously as a Farm Safety consultant if my life depended on it.  This is going to be an interesting chapter.  I wonder if it’s too late to become a puppeteer?

Calling Jay Leno…

I can’t make this stuff up.  This was in the local newspaper today.

Truro man loses licence after failing breathalyser
TRURO – Anyone planning to serve as designated driver for their drinking pals, might want to stick to non-alcoholic beverages for themselves.
That was the message delivered to a Truro man who was convicted in provincial court this week of failing the breathalyser.
Timothy Edward Crowe, 29, of 22 Willow Lane, Apt. 12, was fined $1,150 and had his licence revoked for one year.
He was charged last November after police were called to the Robie Street McDonald’s outlet because of a report that a vehicle had struck the building.
Crowe reportedly told police he had only consumed five drinks that evening because he was the designated driver, a factor that  prompted the judge to comment that amount would certainly affect one’s ability to drive.
“I’d say the concept of designated driver doesn’t really fit with somebody having five drinks,” Chief Justice Patrick Curran said.

http://www.trurodaily.com/index.cfm?sid=224167&sc=68